Saturday, December 26, 2015

Rainbow Book Reviews Loves Blame It on the Fruitcake

It's a little hard for me to believe that reviewer Christie Duke of Rainbow Book Reviews has never eaten at least one bite of fruitcake!  Fortunately, she didn't count that against Blame It on the Fruitcake which extols the love of the holiday treat.

Next year, Christie, I'll have to get your address and send you some of my homemade delicacy!

Read Christie's review here, and order your copy of the book at the following places:
Dreamspinner Press
Amazon
Amazon UK
Barnes & Noble
All Romance eBooks

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Happy holidays!

From everyone in the Foothills Pride series, we wish you happy, safe, and peaceful holidays!
--Pat, Jimmy, Guy, Fredi, Max, Abe, Jeff, Adam, and David

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Trouble Meets Turkey-fu on WROTE

Trouble to the left of us and turkey-fu to the right. The holiday season seems to be getting off to a glorious start in "Trouble Sits down to Dinner."

Vance Bastian does a terrific job narrating the story on the fourth day of Christmas on WROTE.

Are you ready to make your holidays a little brighter with a free story?

Give it a listen!  And happy holidays from me to you!

Saturday, December 12, 2015

What Critics Are Saying about the Foothills Pride Novella Series

 Looking for the perfect holiday gift?  Give the gift of reading...

What’s in a Name? by Pat Henshaw (book 1 of the Foothills Pride series)

“This is an absolutely brilliant book.” – The Novel Approach

“I absolutely loved this short book and can’t wait for more of the story.” – Love Bytes Reviews

“GRAB UP THIS BOOK! YOU WILL BE SO GLAD YOU DID!” – Bike Book Reviews

 

Redesigning Max by Pat Henshaw (book 2 of the Foothills Pride series)

“I recommend Redesigning Max as a fun, enjoyable romance with memorable characters, good and bad, and I recommend Pat Henshaw as a romance writer to follow.” – USA Today/Happy Ever After

“This series by Pat Henshaw packs a lot into novellas!” – 3 Chicks After Dark

“This is such a sweet, fun, and lighthearted story.” – Molly Lolly

 

Behr Facts by Pat Henshaw (book 3 of the Foothills Pride series)

“If you like sweet, gentle romances, very light on the heat level, with a little drama, some angst, and a happy ever after, then these are the books for you.” – Christy Loves 2 Read

“I was smiling by the end of the story, and I am sure you will too.” – Sinfully Addicted to All Male Romance

“It was nice reading a story that wasn’t based just on sex. The book had a good plot and kept me interested.” – Inked Rainbow Reads
 
Buy these books at the following online retailers or wherever eBooks are sold:

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Fruitcake Puzzle Answer

At Patbooked website, I posted a holiday puzzle based on the short story Blame It on the Fruitcake.  Here are the answers to the puzzle:
 
For those who want to read the story and make their holidays AWWWsome, Blame It on the Fruitcake is available at these online bookstores and wherever eBooks are sold:
Dreamspinner
Amazon
Amazon UK
ARe
Barnes & Noble

To see the puzzle, go to Patbooked and look for Fruitcake Puzzle.


Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Bike Book Reviews Loves Blame It on the Fruitcake!

Wow!  Another great review of Blame It on the Fruitcake!  Talk about make my day.

Thank you, Becky of Bike Book Reviews, for the terrific review.  It's so nice to be appreciated. (Isn't their mascot cute?)

For those who want to read the story and make their holidays AWWWsome, Blame It on the Fruitcake is available at these online bookstores and wherever eBooks are sold:
Dreamspinner
Amazon
Amazon UK
ARe
Barnes & Noble

Great Review of Holiday Story on Love Bytes

Danielle gives an in-depth review of Blame It on the Fruitcake at Love Bytes today. She gets the story! 

As an author it's nice to know when I throw my baby out into the cold, hard world that someone understands the baby's complexity and what I was trying to do in very few words.

Thank you, Danielle!

So, as I'm saying these days, put some AWWWsome in your holiday by buying and reading Blame It on the Fruitcake, which you can get at these online booksellers and wherever eBooks are sold:


Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Put a little AWWWsome in your holidays!

Fruitcake is the laughingstock of the holiday season. But can it be an aphrodisiac instead? Motorcycle mechanic Sam McGuire is surprised to find a gaily wrapped box on his doorstep with a piece of fruitcake accompanying an invitation to a holiday party.

Wondering if he’ll fit in, Sam attends the party—mostly to get more of the fruitcake he falls in love with—and meets Jay Merriweather, his new neighbor. The lure of Jay’s big family and its holiday tradition of enjoying Grandma’s fruitcake hook Sam, as does the sexy man himself.

But Sam can't imagine why handsome, college-educated Jay would want someone like him, who was raised in a children’s home and barely graduated high school. Maybe the magic of the holiday season can help two men who seem so different come together like the ingredients in a well-made fruitcake.
 
Blame It on the Fruitcake is a story that will make you go AWWWWW...
 
Get yourself, family, and friends in the mood for the holidays by buying the story at:

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Where Do You Get Your Ideas?

I answer the often-asked author question: Where do you get your ideas? today at Molly Lolly where I talk about house remodeling.

One house remodel = ideas for two books: Redesigning Max and Behr Facts.

Check it out!

Monday, November 23, 2015

Congratulations, Jen, Veronika, and Amber A.!

Out of 1,855 entries, these are the lucky three winners of the Behr Facts promotion in which I gave away 3 $10 Starbucks gift cards:

* Jen

*Veronika

*Amber A.


Congratulations, ladies!  I hope you enjoy your drinks and you also enjoyed reading Behr Facts.

You can buy Behr Facts and the other Foothills Pride novellas at these online booksellers and wherever eBooks are sold:
Dreamspinner
Amazon
Amazon UK
Kobo
Barnes& Noble
Google Play
All Romance Ebooks

As always, thank you to Pride-Promotions for making this giveaway possible!

Thursday, November 12, 2015

4 Star Review for Behr Facts at Bayou Book Junkies

Laissez les bons temps rouler at Bayou Book Junkies today where Behr Facts received a four-star review and some interesting comments.

Check it out and celebrate!

If you'd like to read Behr Facts, you can buy a copy anywhere eBooks are sold including these online merchants:

Amazon UK
Kobo
Barnes& Noble
Google Play
All Romance Ebooks

And a great big thank you to Pride-Promotions who made this blog stop possible.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Abe of Behr Facts Answers the Actor's Studio Questions

Abe Behr of Behr Facts becomes Honest Abe when he answers the Actor's Studio ten questions:
  1. What is your favorite word?
  2. What is your least favorite word?
  3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
  4. What turns you off?
  5. What is your favorite curse word?
  6. What sound or noise do you love?
  7. What sound or noise do you hate?
  8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
  9. What profession would you not like to do?
  10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Check it out at Pride-Promotions!

And if you'd like to read Behr Facts, buy it using the link to the right of this blog piece or anywhere eBooks are sold. 

Monday, November 9, 2015

Three for the Price of One

Inked Rainbow Reads reviews Behr Facts three times today!  All are very interesting reviews--one of them a 5-star review.

Check it out at Inked Rainbow Reads!

Want to read the book?  Buy it at these online retailers and wherever eBooks are sold:
Amazon UK
Kobo
Barnes& Noble
Google Play
All Romance Ebooks

Thanks to Pride-Promotions for making this possible!

Sunday, November 8, 2015

Pat Answers Author Questions Today

Jessie G Books asked me the following questions which I answer today:

1. What is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about your writing?
2. Are you a full-time or part-time writer? How does that impact your writing?
3. What interested you about the theme of this book?
4. What is the most difficult part of writing for you?
5. Name your four most important food groups.

I talk about family and being retired and all sorts of other things in answering these questions as part of the Behr Facts promotion tour.  Check it out at Jessie G Books!

If you'd like to read the book, you can buy Behr Facts wherever eBooks are sold or by using the links to the right of this blog piece.

Thanks to Pride-Promotions for making this interview possible.

Friday, November 6, 2015

Jeff Gets Another Round of Questions

What is it about Jeff?  Why's he the one being asked questions these days?  Who knows?  All I know is that Wicked Faerie's Tales and Reviews has asked him the following a few days ago and he's answered:

1. What is the best gift you ever gave?
2. What was your favorite subject in school?
3. What is the last thing you tell your partner before bed?
4. What is your motto?
5. What is your biggest strength?

Buy Behr Facts and the other books in the series at these places and wherever eBooks are sold:

Amazon UK
Kobo
Barnes& Noble
Google Play
All Romance Ebooks

Thanks to Pride-Promotions for making this interview possible.





Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Jeff Mason of Behr Facts Is Interviewed Today

BFD Book Bag interviews Jeff today.  He answers these questions:

1. What did you want to be when you were a kid?
2. What do you value best in your friends?
3. What is your favorite song?
4. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
5. What word or phrase do you overuse?

Read the review here.  Buy the books at these places and wherever eBooks are sold:

Amazon UK
Kobo
Barnes& Noble
Google Play
All Romance Ebooks

Thanks to Pride-Promotions for making this interview possible.

Monday, November 2, 2015

Abe Answers Interview Questions

Abe Behr of Behr Facts answers these interview questions at My Fiction Nook today: 

1. Now that you’ve gotten together, what comes next?
2. What was the hardest thing for you to overcome that you didn’t expect to be an issue?
3. Who or what makes you laugh out loud?
4. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
5. What movie will you watch over and over again?

Read the interview at My Fiction Nook.
If you'd like to read the book, you can buy Behr Facts wherever eBooks are sold or by using the links to the right of this blog piece.

Thanks to Pride-Promotions for making this interview possible.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Wonderful Review of Redesigning Max

Rainbow Book Reviews gives Redesigning Max a wonderful review today.

Fredi and Max share a kiss while Jimmy and Guy from What's in a Name? and Abe and Jeff from Behr Facts applaud.

Buy the books wherever eBooks are sold!

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Jeff of Behr Facts Speaks Out

Elin Gregory asked me, Jeff Mason, what my most prized possession was. Abe, my partner and love, was so surprised when he read my answer that he was dumbfounded for a moment.

"I don't understand."  He shook is head and grimaced.  "I thought maybe that new graphite fishing rod that I bought you for your birthday was your most prized possession."

"Not hardly.  You know how I feel about fishing."

"What?  You love it."

"Uh, no.  "You love it."  I wiggled my eyebrows at him.  "And I love you."

"You don't love fishing?  I thought you did."

"Actually, I love getting you alone outside somewhere."  I wound my hand around his neck.  "Preferably somewhere no one can hear or see us.  You know the kind of place I mean."

"But we don't get a lot of fishing done then."

"Yeah, right.  Like I said, that's why I love to go fishing with you."

"Oh."

To find out what Jeff's most prized possession is, go to Elin's blog.  To buy a copy of the book, go to one of these online bookstores:

Kobo
Barnes& Noble
Google Play
All Romance Ebooks

Friday, October 23, 2015

Guy Stone of What's in a Name? Talks about Loving Jimmy

I'm hearing a lot of grumbling from my fictional men today because Guy got to tell his side of the story at Romance Lives Forever.

Let me remind you guys that you had your chance when I sat down to write your stories.  Either of you could have stepped up and been the narrator--either of you.  But one of you stepped up.  When I find a couple who both want to tell their story, well, then I'll write their book accordingly.

But in the meantime, no more bad-mouthing Guy because he found a place to share what he had to say.

Really, guys, a little decorum, please!  (And Fredi wipe that grin off your face.  Just because you know Max won't be giving an interview or answering questions, and just because you're the only couple married doesn't make you more special than anyone else.)

Don't know what I'm talking about?  Well, maybe you should read the books!  Just a thought.  (See Amazon links to the right of this post.  Or go to Dreamspinner Press to find out more about the series.)

Have a great day!  And don't forget to read what Guy has to say.

Monday, October 19, 2015

Third Book in Series Preorder Links


Behr Facts has being added to these eBook stores for pre-order:

DreamspinnerAmazon
Amazon UK
Kobo
Barnes& Noble
Google Play
All Romance Ebooks

Or you can use the Amazon links to the right of this post.

I hope you enjoy reading the book as much as I did writing it!

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Q & A and a Prize!

That's right!  Jimmy and Guy ask a multiple choice question at The Romance Reviews Anniversary party tomorrow and the winner gets a prize.

Check it out on Monday, March 30.  YOU could be the big winner.

Good luck!

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Winners Announced...Yea, Barbara and Cornelia!

Jimmy and Guy, protagonists of What's in a Name?, talk about the Starbucks coffee card giveaway:


Jimmy:  See?  I told you readers would enter to win a coffee card.

Guy: Huh.  Still think we shoulda offered a bottle of Chivas or a case of Flat Tire or something.

Jimmy:  Hey, hey, you can't argue with 1, 591 people.  Coffee's popular.

Guy:  That's how many entered?  Huh.  Guess there're a lot of thirsty people around.

Jimmy:  A lot of connoisseurs of non-alcoholic beverages, you mean.

Guy:  Whatever.  Who won?

Jimmy:  Barbra and Cornelia!  They should be sipping away as we speak.

Guy:  Hope they bought a copy of the book, too.  Then they can come into Stonewall's and tell me all the mistakes I made wooing you.

Jimmy bursts into giggles, muttering "Woo, woo, woo..." and has to take a few deep breaths before he can add, "Congratulations, Barbra and Cornelia!  Enter Stonewall's at your own risk."

Guy pulls Jimmy in for a kiss and they walk away.  Maybe even to drink some coffee.  Maybe.

 
Thanks again to Will Parkinson of Pride-Promotions for all the wonderful work he did on What's in a Name?  You are the best!

If you haven't already gotten your copy of What's in a Name? you can order it from these booksellers:

Amazon
Amazon UK
Amazon Canada
Barnes and Noble

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Another Morning with Jimmy and Guy

Somewhere in Northern California:

I heard the shower go on and then nothing for a while.  Guy and I were visiting Crystal’s Many Reviewers and Rebecca Cohen Writes today to promote What’s in a Name? and didn’t have time to waste.

I opened the bathroom door and yelled at Guy, “What’s taking you so long?  What are you doing in there?”

“Waiting.”

“What?  We don’t have time to wait around,” I protested.  “What are you waiting for?”

“Santa Claus.”

As I thought about what he’d said, he added, “The Easter bunny.”  Another silence, then, "Land shark."

Oh, yeah.  Now I got it.  I shucked my clothes and opened the shower door.

“How about a barista instead?”

“Yeah, that’s what I was waiting for.”

 
Join Jimmy and Guy (after they get cleaned up and out of the shower) at Crystal’s Many Reviewers and Rebecca Cohen Writes today.  Also, remember to sign up to win a coffee card!

Thank you, Will Parkinson and Pride-Promotions, for making this Remember Me Tour, a trip to remember! 
 
I can't tell you how much I'm going to miss you between books.  Will will be doing his magic for Redesigning Max this summer when it releases from Dreamspinner Press.  Until then, buy and read all the books he promotes! 

Buy What’s in a Name? at the following places and wherever eBooks are sold:

Amazon
Amazon UK
Amazon Canada
Barnes and Noble

Friday, March 13, 2015

5 Days Left to Enter to Win a Coffee Card

Hey, it's Friday the 13th!  Time to make sure you've signed up at Rafflecopter to win a gift card for coffee.

Then you can sit back and take a couple of hours to read What's in a Name? and decide whether you'd like Jimmy or Guy to be yours.

Buy a copy of the book at
Dreamspinner
Amazon
Amazon UK
Amazon Canada
Barnes and Noble

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Behind the Scenes with Jimmy and Guy

Jimmy Patterson and Guy Stone of What's in a Name? are getting ready for two blog visits today.  Here's what's happening in their kitchen:


What’s that you got in your hand?” Jimmy asked.

Guy looked down, pecked a kiss on Jimmy’s brow, and answered, “Pop Tart.  Why?”

Jimmy frowned and plucked the Pop Tart from Guy’s fingers.  “That’s not a nutritious breakfast for a big guy like you.  We’ll be out visiting a couple of places today.  You’re stomach’s going to be making rude noises while we’re telling people about the book.”

Guy rubbed his midriff, and Jimmy got a lustful glint in his eyes.  Jimmy suddenly slapped Guy’s hand away.

“Nice try, but we’ve got to get serious here.  Or we’re going to be late.”  Jimmy turned and grabbed some cheese and eggs from the fridge.  “Here.  Grate some cheese.  I’m making you an omelet.  I also got some free-trade Nicaraguan dark that we’ll brew in the French press.”

As Guy sat down and started rubbing the gouda chunk against the grater, he asked, “Where we going today?”

“Well, first to Prism Book Alliance.  They’ve got some questions for Pat, so all we have to do is sit and look alert.  And not make any hunger noises.”

“Hey!  I didn’t say I wouldn’t eat a real breakfast,” Guy yelped.

“Then we’re going to Elisa’s blog.  You know, the one with her reviews and ramblings.  Not really sure what’s happening.  We’ll see when we get there.”

When Guy was eating his omelet and toast, Jimmy zipped into the bathroom to get ready.  Then it was Guy’s turn.  By the time Guy got back, the kitchen was clean and Jimmy was munching on something.

“Whatcha got there?” Guy asked, pointing.

“Uh, Pop Tart,” Jimmy answered with a laugh.  “Let’s go!  We’re late.”

Buy your copy of What's in a Name? at:
Dreamspinner
Amazon
Amazon UK
Amazon Canada
Barnes and Noble

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Comments about What's in a Name?

Here's what they're saying....  Oh, my!  So many nice words!  Thank you!

From The Novel Approach (5 stars):

This is an absolutely brilliant book. I loved it. Pat Henshaw has written a very funny novella that gave me a taste of her style and left me wanting more.

This is such a fun story; I will re-read it often. The MCs are well developed, and I loved watching them fall in love. It was quick but it felt good, and I know that I will never be bored with the humor and empathy the story is told with. Well done, Pat Henshaw, on writing an original story with lots of room for more. I look forward to the next book in the series.


the witty dialogue, the fun these two men have, the way they connected, and Guy’s ability to pull out some awesome dates was all so perfect and written so well.

This book is tucked away in my favorites to pull out when I need to remember than love can happen for all of us if we look in the right place.

 
From Queer Town Abbey (4 stars):

Whats in a Name was different, fresh, fun and had no explicit sex.


From Love Bytes Reviews (5 stars):

Pat Henshaw has delivered a wonderful tease! I so want more, more, more! I absolutely loved this short book and can’t wait for more of the story.

 
From MM Good Book Reviews (5 stars):

This is one pretty damn cool and well-written story.

I really enjoyed the pacing and the cast of characters in this book. This is the type of book you can sit back and just read without thinking too much.

 
From Molly Lolly (4 1/2 stars):

This book was a fun quick read.


From Kimi-chan Experience (4 stars):

Overall, I really enjoyed this short story and recommend it to anyone willing to suspend their disbelief and smile at a sweet tale of love.
 

From Bike Book Reviews (5 cups):

If I had to describe this book in one word, (thank goodness I can gush about it more than that), it would be delightful!

Thanks Pat, for this delightful book that makes us giggle and glory in a wonderful love story at the same time!

GRAB UP THIS BOOK! YOU WILL BE SO GLAD YOU DID!

 
From Inked Rainbow Reads (5 stars):

This was a perfect weekend cozy read. I loved it from page one, and it hit every one of my sweet spots.

This one absolutely gets my highest recommendation. Everything about it was spot-on. I'm looking forward to reading more of Ms. Henshaw's work.

 

What’s in a Name? was a sweet, innocent story of finding the right person and the happiness that goes along with that. A feel good, simple story that will leave you with a smile by the last page.
 
Buy What's in a Name at:
 
 

 

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Join Us at 4 Blog Sites Today


Jimmy and Guy, the main characters in What’s in a Name?, are out and about today, visiting old friends and saying hi.  Join them at these favorite stops:

After a full day of work, stop by Jimmy’s coffee shop or Guy’s bar, get yourself a drink and read about how they met and fell in love.  You can buy their book, What’s in a Name?, at

Amazon
Amazon UK
Barnes and Noble
Dreamspinner Press

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Jimmy, Guy, and Pat Travel Today

“We on the road again today?” Guy asked, accepting a cup of coffee from his boyfriend Jimmy.

“Yeah.  Two stops.  First, Wicked Faerie’s Tales and Reviews.”

“Yeah?  Wicked, huh?  What you wearing?”

“Just my regular stuff.  I think you should go with the leather vest and pants, though.”  Jimmy had that glint in his eye, the one hot-wired to Guy’s dick.

“Not a chance.”

“No?  Even if I beg?”

“No.  It’s freaking cold out there.  Maybe over the long johns and a shirt.”  Guy glared at Jimmy’s smirk.  “And we’re taking the truck, not the bike.”

“Awwww, my big, cute biker’s afraid he’ll get his toes cold?”

Guy shook his head.  Jimmy’s teasing wasn’t going to get to him today.  Besides, he had teasing of his own when they slipped into bed tonight.

“You said we’ve got two places to visit.  Who else?”

Jimmy looked like he was working himself into a little pout, so Guy stood sipping his coffee and waited him out.

Finally Jimmy sighed.

“It’s just all work today, then is it?” he asked.

Guy nodded.

“Then we go to Kristy’s Brain Food.”

Guy started laughing.  “Should have started there.  Looks like someone needs a little brain food today.”

Hope all of you can join Jimmy, Guy, and author Pat at WickedFaerie’s and Kristy’s Brain Food.  Should be a lively day.
 
Buy What's in a Name? at
 

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Jimmy and Guy Take off Again

Join Jimmy and Guy as they go on the road to visit three blogs and drink coffee with gay romance readers.  Here’s a behind the scenes look at the two protagonists from What’s in a Name? discussing their upcoming day:

Jimmy: Got a big day ahead of us.  We’ve got three places to visit today, so I’ve made an extra thermos of vanilla and chicory French roast to keep away the chill.

Guy: Yeah?  So where we heading?

Jimmy:  Well, first stop is with Love Bytes.

Guy: Oh, yeah, I remember them.  They made us Book of the Week a couple weeks back or so.

Jimmy: Actually, our fans made us BoW.  And we've got to thank them.  Plus we get to hang out with Dan again.

Guy:  Good!  He’s a real stand-up guy.  Gave our book a really great review.

Jimmy: Yup, he’s the one.  Can’t wait to connect with him again.  Then we’re off to Bayou Book Junkie, which is why I added the chicory to the coffee.

Guy: Wonder if they know Pat’s related to a bunch of fun-ass Cajuns outside Opelousas?

Jimmy: Probably not.  But remind me to tell them.  Pat’s going to talk about the perfect book hero and being a reviewer there.

Guy: Be good to hang with Pat again.  I’m not sure about the chicory, though.

Jimmy: You don’t have to drink a lot of it, big guy.  Our final stop of the day is at 3 Chicks After Dark.

Guy: Oh, yeah?  And what do three chicks do after dark?

Jimmy shrugs: We’ll visit and find out.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Guy tells it like it is on Valentine’s Day

Guy, the bartender of Stonewall Saloon, has this to say about his Valentine's Day shopping experience:

I know in past years, I’ve downplayed V Day.  Okay, right.  I’ve made fun of the fools who rush out and throw money down in the name of love.  I mean, how stupid can some guys get?

I also know some of you are laughing at me this year.  Yeah, go ahead.  Hardy-har-har.

I’m man enough to admit when I’ve been the stupid one, and the rest of you knew something I didn’t.  I get it now.

So I walk into the Hallmark Store, the Hallmark Store for god’s sake, and look at cards.  This cute little grandma tiptoes up to me.

“May I help you, sir?” she whispers.

I almost shout back, “Say what?” but I restrain.

“Just lookin’ for a card for my sweetie,” I say.

She looks at me, her mouth open, like I just spit on the damned floor.

“Oh, my,” she mutters.

What?  I can’t get a mushy fucking card for Jimmy without being harassed and having to take down grandma?  WTF?

“What’s your girlfriend like?” she timidly asks me.

I’m about to yell at her to man up, but I say, “Boyfriend,” instead.

“Oh, my,” she repeats herself.

She takes a step back and eyes me up and down.

“Well, I have a special collection of cards in the back, if you’ll follow me.”

Oh, God!  The special grandma collection.

We go through a curtained doorway, past a sign that says something like “This ain’t Hallmark back here.  Hallmark has nothing to do with what you see back here.  Visit this room at your own risk.”  WTF?

This annex is darker, closer, crowded with dildos, whips, leather, and candy.  I pick up one of the little boxes of sugar candy hearts.  “Screw,” “fuck,” “BJ,” and “Ram It” are written on the ones I can see through the little plastic window.

Okay, yeah, this ain’t your typical Hallmark.  This is more like your Good Vibrations version, only not in the city.

“Hey, Leroy!” granny says, louder than she was talking on the other side of the curtain.  “This guy needs help.”

Hey, now.  I wouldn’t go that far.  Maybe guidance, but I don’t need help.

This old guy with wrinkled tattooed skin and piercings everywhere, wearing a leather vest, tight leather pants, and boots, looks up from the chair where he was sitting and thumbing through a magazine.

“Thanks, Marge.  I got it.”

She nods to him and slides away back into the other reality behind the curtain.

“What can I get you, young man?” the geezer asks.

“I need a card and a present,” I answer.

He, like granny, gives me the up and down.

“This way.  I got just what you need.”

How surprised am I when he does?  Real surprised.
 
To read more about Guy and Jimmy, order the book at